Attitude in jigeiko.

Ive not been enjoying jigeiko recently, because its been so difficult!
Salmon Sensei said in his blog that this is how it should be!

Anyway, I forgot one of the golden rules of jigeiko, dont worry about being hit, accept it, think about why and how, and appreciate your opponents attack/waza. Ive been training for a large taikai, and I guess the hunger to succeed and to win has turned me from this idea!

So, Ill make my best effort to return to this way of thinking im going to follow Honda Sensei's advice from teh BKA website

3-2. 1st dan~3rd dan
The Kendo-ka at this level is required to further refine their Shikake-waza and it is important to try a variety of Shikake-waza on your own initiative. It is also important to attack not only going forward, but also to actively use Hiki-waza (going backwards) and you should always keep in mind that you should try to complete your attack. As mentioned earlier, beating or being beaten is not the priority in Ji-geiko. You must not focus only on how many times you strike or are struck by your opponent, but reflect on the process of how & why in each case [strike or struck] Utte-hansei, utarete-kansya (to reflect on ones attack after successfully scoring and thank your opponent after getting scored against) is an attitude that is expected of Kendo- ka.
Kendo-ka at this level should also start considering three ways to overwhelm the opponent (San-sappo) in Ji-geiko. One is to kill the opponents Ki (spirit). This is to overwhelm the opponents Ki by showing the fullness of your Ki. Another is to kill the opponents Ken (sword). This is to control the movement of the tip of the opponents sword by restraining or deflecting the sword. One more is to kill the opponents Waza. This is to anticipate the opponents attack by giving the opponent no chance to attack (All Japan Kendo Federation, 2000, pp. 79-80). At this level, it is still ok to make more use of Ken and Waza than Ki in order to overwhelm and anticipate the opponents attack. Kendo-ka at this level still has more Waza to acquire. (It is too early at this level to start doing Kendo that places the most emphasis on overwhelming your opponent by force of personality or by presence, as 6th dan and 7th dan Kendo-ka can do). They are still encouraged to try to use a variety of Waza in Ji-geiko by using Shinai, footwork and the body actively and they are encouraged to use Oji-waza in a ratio of 2 to 8 with Shikake-waza in Ji-geiko. What is important here is to understand the fundamental idea of Oji-waza. You must not wait for the opponent to attack you and respond to it. You must lure the opponent into a position where you wish them to attack. You will be too late to execute successful Oji-waza if you just wait for the opponent to attack. You should try to show your attacking spirit to the opponent without stopping your footwork and Shinai movement and lure them into a position where you welcome them to attack. There are some people who think that the reason they cannot do Oji-waza is due to their techniques (movement and form). What should be considered, however, is whether you are trying to lure the opponent into attacking you. At this level, it is not necessary to be able to execute Oji-waza without thinking, although you are encouraged to practise it in Ji-geiko, by keeping the fundamental idea for successful Oji-waza in your mind.
Sotaro Honda PHdAttitudes to Ji-geiko Part 1